...oy.

-- woke up panicking about mishap on fabric measurements

-- visit to tailor was postponed to tomorrow (better be)

-- goddamn JNE had the nerve to charge me for re-shipping. 

   i did admit that i didn't insert the destined home number (which, i also did explain that

   the last time i sent it there, the receiver got it no problem, on time. but whatever, was

   still at fault.) but they didn't call me the minute they found out that they couldn't find

   the house--then  what's the use if we enclose our own phone number as the sender if it

   isn't for any form of confirmation??? tolol.-- and the damn package was sent a month

   ago. OY. 

   But as a 'diplomatic' sign of good faith, i offered to pay half-price for the re-shipment.

   of course, i still reminded them that they still share the other 1/2 of fault. enak aja.

   (seriously fuckin' pissed.obviously.pff-)

-- re-organized junk compartments in room. finally made the final arrangements.

-- got ready to leave to elementary school reunion, until...

-- ...yeah yeah, just like every other Jakarta people moving about today, i (and the rest

   of them) had to cancel said plan because of the flood everywhere. but that wasn't

   before i tried to reach our meeting point, PIM, first...

• got 1st angkot w/o trouble. oh, except that the jackass tried to rip off the usual fee. bitch, seriously?
• 2nd also. met high school religion teacher who most of us hate but was actually quite civil there. her child, though, i wanted to strangle. going all ''kakak! kakak! [insert some shitty sule joke]! HAHAHAHA!!" cutting her mom's convo with me all through al-izar - rs fatmawati.
• stopped for Express taxi at fatmawati who refused me. as it was starting to pour hellish rain. why turn on your vacancy light then you TWAT???
• took angkot to lebak bulus terminal instead (contemplating busway to PIM or taxi home? home won.). ngetem nyaris 30 menit, ibu2 sebelah udh protes2 si mas blaga budeg. seriously considered jabbing my umbrella into his ear.
• bought gorengan otw down from terminal to get taxi
• ...still no taxi. bought ginger milk. walked further down.
• ...still no taxi. bought jamu kunyit asem. walked further down.
• ...still no taxi. walked further down to point square
• TAXI!!! (so a total of nearly 45 mins)

-- home sweet home. got hot bowl of soup from mba minah and made the coffee i just

    bought at the warung~
-- watched leverage 5 ep 3 & 4
-- dinner
-- drew a little
-- called ayah
-- helped out my friend's letter of approval translation
-- yeah ok i really need some sleep now. must make 'rounds tomorrow *blargh*

trip and plunge

being an observer is awesome.
but ending up as a bystander, with only binoculars as your best friend, sucks balls.

do remember that too much of a good thing is never good.
it's a definite guarantee for overload head problems.
and you hate pointless overload head problems. yes you do.

and please please try not to expect anything if you can't handle the letdown when, unfortunately, you end up unlucky and it fucks you in the face. 
remember, you hate pointless overload head problems. yes you do.

-- from a walk through recent non-memory lane.
hey look, progress! at least most of the times you can already feel genuine happiness while watching through your binoculars.

false freedom

yeah thanks for rubbing salt--no, acid. acid in the wounds.
really didn't need the reminding, i am perfectly capable of remembering that on my own thank you.
finally get the place all for myself, nice peace and quiet but nooo just had to remind me.

clots & blanks

why don't you just literally blow up?
no, seriously, just blow up. stop giving me temporary teasers and just go off.

am seriously tired of encrypted anything, from the outside but especially from the inside.

come on, i dare you you fucking little piece of shit.

see if i give a damn with the end result.
too chicken to do it myself anyway, so why not show a bit of kindness for once and do me a favor here, eh?

you know you've hit rock bottom when you'd talk about any topic just to keep them talking.
even the topics you never wished existed in your conversations because you know you won't like the context, but initiate them anyway. fucking lowlife.

share.

must stop regretting moments lost from becoming close friends with some people.
just remember that you have really good idiotic close friends as well, that those people need the closer friends they have in their life and that it's ok that it isn't you.
they still like you and want you in their life kok, don't fret.

harlem beat #10

1. at some point the waiting has to stop.it's starting to kick me in the gut that 'at some point' is actually now you piece of garbage.
2. talking down on myself isn't helping my self-esteem. they told me to be nice.
okay then: 'it's starting to kick me in the gut that 'at some point' is actually now you piece of pretty garbage.'
how's that?
3. being sarcastic also doesn't help
4. can't help it. am already giving up on the human race that it's actually blissful
5. and now i'm just reciting over-used lines.love it.
6. inward is the nicest place ever, but also the most dangerous
7. being un-judgemental is one of the nicest feelings
8. green eyes are pretty but also scary
9. unexpected leaves are also interesting but shallow when expected nonstop
10. light-reading mangas that always matches current condition.hard.
and it's not even funny anymore. (today's was harlem beat #10 of all stories)
11. encrypting words obsessively and paranoid for others, to a point where even you won't understand a single word when you re-read them someday in the future

green again

that moment when you find out people close to you took sudden interest in things you've been interested in since way back when but am only able to admire from afar because of limited resources and limited privileges because of the more pressing problems you face at the time.
excuses? yes, maybe 50% of it, but still.

then they take it, digs tons of info on it beyond your info intake ever, develops it into something you wished you could do since long ago, and has unlimited resources to get whatever the fuck they want but actually don't deserve most things.

then you smile with solid dark eyes with the others who worship their success because yes, it did turn out awesome and they're showing no signs of stopping down.

then you silently move back into that dark corner and throw punches at the wall till you black out from the pain your broken, ruined fists inflicts.

Pam

Lafayette : "tomorrow?"

Pam : "is there a problem?"

Lafayette : "Nooo hookah', look, I can't sell all this shit by tomorrow! I got a cousin in trouble,
she--"

Pam : "I don't know what it is about me that makes people think I wanna hear their
problems, maybe I smile too much, maybe I wear too much pink. But please
remember, I can rip your throat out if I need to, and also know, that I am not
a hooker...that was a long, long time ago."

Lafayette : " 'aight "

Pam : "Yeah? You pickin' up what I'm puttin' dooown?"

Lafayette : "I is."

Pam : "Good."
(True Blood, Season 3 Episode 1)

this is pam.

*been wanting to post one of my favorite quotes since...ever.
but since a recurring situation has arisen, I have finally remembered to post this.
the timing couldn't be more precise.

"mau sampe kapan?"

miniature killers.

got two types of 'connect-o' reaction:

1. the thing that we all should avoid: regret our past. especially about the things that we knew--no doubt whatsoever--we could have been/done.
but, hey, i actually got an idea from this shit for another list topic.
will be out next time (i hope) when i find a way t make it less depressing and more fun.haha

2. laughed my ass off of most of the scroll.
not one--not one--failed to disappoint.
now i seriously wished i knew you guys.
wished i didn't let go of the opportunity laid out in front of me those times.


*connect 1 : CSI 9's (ep.7) miniature killer trial episode = miniature models.that bastard.too cool.
connect 2 : CSI: NY 8's (ep.19) "delivery" to regular hotel room prostitute via mobile food cart = that bastards joke to "send it to the regular hotel room for his 'lover' "

distance.

oh god what have i done?

the past 2 weeks

has been quite a blur.
i'm still weirded out by the fact that seorang Diandra can be that hectic.
me, the least ambitious out of my closest friends.

am still in limbo trying to figure out what i really want and this gets in the way of work (i try my best not to mix personal things with my work, so yeah this pisses me off for 'losing' to it).
most of the time i feel drawn in whenever i see a friends' progress in terms of 'doing what they're most passionate about'.
'drawn in' as in 'hey, i'm also interested in that to! so it is do-able...' or 'oh crap, is what i'm doing now really what i want?' to 'is it really the time for me to 'experiment' at this stage of my life?' even till 'do i still have the luxury of time itself?'
all that combined with the realization that i am finally finally a fully graduated student and the guilt that i know i'm not suppose to think like this anymore at this stage.

like i've said over and over again: i take longer then most people to progress.
have i really accepted this, i don't know and it frustrates me.

honestly, until this moment i still don't think i'm worthy enough to have that title...yet.
i'm happy and all that i can make my parents proud of my said achievement, but there's still something that nags me, this 'unfinished business'-feel.

hope this ends soon, and when it does, i won't be back at square one again.

the thin line of becoming a hypocrite

enough of this nonsense, don't even think of touching other people's property.

blue hair.

i can't wait to rip my artificial skin off.

Day 2 Yogya

Though we (thankfully) all agreed to wake up late, our stupid 'body clock' made us wake up at 8 am. So after a (quite disappointing) breakfast, it was "laze around your hotel room and doze off watching tv"-day.

Around 2 pm-ish we went out for lunch. We found a whole road full of restaurants and small hotels like they have in Bali, and at the road entrance they have a sort of resto & hotel directory for the whole length of the road, too bad i didn't get a good pic though :p.
And too bad our (mine actually) restaurant choices' burrito sucked (sorry ayah) but the chicken fajitas and beef gratin were good. Then more lazing about.

Went out for dinner around 20.30 pm.
Aimed for Sate Kratak - got lost (in a very very bad way) otw to Imogiri for 1 1/2 hours - found out the damn sate was on JALAN Imogiri, not the town (was no ones fault thankfully) - went back into town,deserted by Ayam Suharti etc etc, and settled for...Pizza Hut.
At 23.00 pm.

We we're all pretty fucked up, all silently averting each others eyes to prevent any violent response until we got to the hotel and ate our pizza, and oh, hey, 'Gladiator' is on TV! from the beginning! whoa, who knew it got better...until my mom decided to bitch around about the stupid 'oh the AC is killing me oh help' padahal ngga.all.through.my.movie.
slept with a massive nauseating headache.

a perfect example of "what comes, goes"

In terms of good luck and bad luck here.

The Good
I got a sudden sms from my uncle telling me that MRS. FIELDS IS AVAILABLE IN JAKARTA.
and just to kick my 'pride' in the gut, the closest venue is in Gandaria City of all places.
ahahaha ironically I just read my friends' post about her being greatful for once for the load of malls we have in Jakarta, thinking,"Meh, I still don't like the recent amount of (unneeded) malls being built. But I will someday appreciate some of them with clear uses".
Apparently today was that 'someday'.dammit.
Still though, better then going all the way to Singapore.hahaha

The Beyond Bad
I don't understand how people could be so brutally barbaric. Sadistic and heartless.
First it was the news I got a while back of that dick of a child/children with his/her/their motherfucking pigload of parents that fed a firecracker to a dog. After only hearing it from my friend, I just had to stumble upon the picture of that poor being on facebook. My friend had to help pry my shaking hands of the monitor and mouse so he can help delete the person who re-post the pic's notifications from my wall.

At first I was enraged because how dare that person post such a graphic picture for the world to see and not get banned by the site? But on the other hand, maybe such a raw graphic slap in the face is what the world needs? I don't know, but there has to be a way to state your cause but not be that brutal...

Soon after, I saw the 'initiating' of a coming-of-age ritual of a certain country by mass-slaying a rare breed of dolphins, while being cheered on by spectators while the poor things drowned in the blood-soaked sea (*I'll get my facts straight next time). I seriously don't know what to think of the human race anymore, seeing things like these. And this is mostly just the tip of the iceberg (had to use that) of what's being broadcast to the public. Imagine all the shit going down that we don't know of.

Then a couple minutes ago I stumbled onto another case of cruelty to dogs somewhere in Indonesia, and there were four pic's this time...I removed that persons notification as well.

I just hope the animal rights regulation that JAAN's been pushing forward actually gets realized. Only then can we really put a stop on these extreme acivities. Even though the chances are low in this shit of a country, in terms of the strength of the law, and that this isn't a familiar issue that the majority of my country deems important, I seriously hope this works out.

please not now, heck, not ever.

seriously, why can't i just enjoy the good things i--thankfully--get simply as they are?
no over-analyzing, no need for that inevitable competing urge on mostly anything...

meeting them as meeting them.
playing with them as playing with them.
sharing with them as sharing with them.

i really don't need the snowballing effect i think up on my friends who i care for so dearly, thank you very much, it's too sickening.

3 signs i'm (literally) being kicked out.

#1.

#2.

my food was done. my 'omgNASIPANASaaaa' appetite was at it's peak. no rice.
she did mention that the new kosan owner itu pelit mampus jahat(i'm even n on the mba's side), jadi stok nasi suka habis, dimana nasi gratis, was one of the main selling points. i wish you failure.

#3.

di.gem.bok.
i am currently in pursue of finding the little dick who made this possible.

oh and the bloody mba actually asked me to lapor that my friends' were over buat laporan ke ibu kos. i think she was going to ask them to pay, but i quickly brushed her of, and no pursue followed, so yeah.
my bad, that means four reasons then.
*sigh*

my head is a boulder.