am i emotionly dead? may as well be a fuckin potato

oh my god, im even confused in what im SUPPOSED to look for while i was looking! i cant focus at all.
ok, i was looking for the person who drew for the manga C.A.T., i know the drawing so well, but i forgot who drew it, so i figured that i'll go check my already ORGANIZED folders.
and i looked.
and i looked...
and i looked.......
and all the while when browsing for the picture i was all 'what am i looking for?' and had to try to remember what i was looking for in the process of looking. and my head hurt so bad, in fact its still hurting now.
i cant believe the EFFORT i had to give for trying to figure out the reason i even started the mad hunt. babi.
its so fuckin furstrating thing to get all worked up an pissed over something that minor, and i cant even cry about it.

i want it so bad, believe me, but no matter what i do, how many sad stories get in my head, the best i could do is get all (only) misty-eyed and get my head hurt because of the sudden mood drop. labil tolol.

oh COME ON,can i at LEAST have SOMETHING to get shit off my back that doesnt include snapping to other people????

goddammit