to give myself credit and stop blaming myself.
sorry i can't do that now, because i just realized that i've wasted 3 years of thinking, time, and money to prevent this exact thing from happening at one of the most critical moments that i have to go through.
for that, i'm really really sorry. i hate wasting anything.
yes yes, i know that 3 years is probably a short amount of time for most people, but for me it's not. i'm sorry to say myself that it's long for me. i hate it but for now there's nothing i can do about it.
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