i hate anything cliche,especially when it happens to me

the thing that i hate the most is the fact that I, who has, for as long as i remember, tries my best to avoid to have anything to do with cliches (unless it has to do with unexpected coincidences), has ended up with the one thing cliche that i wished hoped and truly prayed to god that wouldn't happen to me, which is : found 'that' person from high school, and end up with him for the rest of my life.
now, I HAVE, and been repeatedly told that i'm lucky, because most people would die and are in fact jealous of my position. and I, in fact would GLADLY give my position to anyone who'd have it.

why i hate it:
1. no matter what i try to do, he always come back to haunt me, and i can never hold back to my impulses (hey,im an expressionist, so sue me)
2. he tries NOTHING to help me stop (and i do know for fact that it is indeed his intentions)
3. people keep telling me (despite the fact that we broke up n all), ' yeah yeah, you're gonna end up marrying him anyway,so no matter what your status is, or whatever you 'claim' to be in with him makes no difference'
with that SMUG goddamn 'whatever you say, i KNOW how its gonna end', SOTOY, YAKIN, DISBELIEF that all my attempts are useless.
i.HATE.that.
the fact that they all know whats 'written' or someshit. i feel like that their dictating me in some sort, especially when i know that there is a big chance that its gonna happen, but i REFUSE to receive all the 'tuh kan,apa gw bilang? pasti ama dia kan ujung2nya' or 'alah, kan emang dr dulu udh PASTI sama dia' etc etc when it happens.

i REFUSE to have my future decided by those assholes.
i'm sorry, but unlike some people, i would still like to get to know other people. i still want to know what other typle of people exist. what type of relationship do they offer. or just get to know people in general. its interesting.

im really really really bothered by the fact that i cant stop thinking.

yesterday was fun >:D

original plans :
1. ketemu lalataya di simpang jam stgh11
2. ke kampus kumpulin uas eksperimentasi
3. potong susunan sumpit dp4 di bengkel, sambil lalataya ketemu mio buat nanya2 belanda yaddayadda

execution :
1. karena malemnya lupa nyicil sumpit/kelapa : gebug2 rendaman sumpit pk ulekan d taman dalem.
2. lalataya ke rumah boy karena boy blom siap2 packing buat sumpit ke kampus, dan tnyt mio gajadi ketemuan
3. & etc.....
-- tirta anugrah buat ngeprint xperimen + sundalan si lalat -- gagal mau jenguk tendy pk pisang ijo krn rupanya dia tertidur karena sakit ato apalah.haha -- chelsea dvd (i found 24, dan udh TAMAT...fucking 4 dvd's to buy tho.yg masing2 cm 2 episode. babi.) -- balubur -- es kelapa muda & timun suri di nyawang -- DP A, dimana kita tinggal dan menetap sampai jam 4-5an.PRODUKTIF tingkat DEWA >:D -- boy ngurus sumpit (yg ditemani secara mental dan fisik praktek oleh lalat) n kelapa (yg dibantu oleh bor agam dan pembelahan cantik oleh agam dan circular saw bengkel DP.muchas gracias!) -- lalataya motong2 sundalan sampe selesai -- lalat dpt ide ahei buat naro foto tp ga merusak tembok -- dpt stok lagu2 dr ipit :) -- went home and COMPLETELY forgot i bought onepiece #51, 24, n got stok lagu from ipit -- moko muncul n mkn the grill (steak n tea for rp13.000 saja. ohohoho~) -- croissant 25% off at tizi for breakfast -- pony comercial download -- dead as a doornail.

owhyeah, yesterday was fun >:D

why in god's name,why

i fucking hate confrontation.
i always end up getting hot-cold flushes thru my whole body.
and stutter.
stutter a LOT.


well the good thing is, is that i keep talking, i gradually end up being more firm an confident (if im right.if im not, i usually say sorry, then back down)
which is a good thing, and anyone would say ' its good then right?u learn frm ur mistakes, its a lesson to be learned,yaddayadda..'
i know that, ive always knew.
but that doesnt reduce my hatred towards that gesture.
i really really realy H A T E it.

backtrack 1

yesterday.thur,21 may.
-made damn experimental design tugas
-looklets
-muchas gracias lalataya for the chopsticks idea *3*!!!
-RAVIOLI BRUSSELS SPECIALOHGOD
-note to self : make list/markings of people's bday in june.
-airgear is added with dgreyman n hxh's hiatus.dammit.

wed, 20 may
-tendy bilang 'boy hr ini gayanya menyenangkan'. >:E kya~
-met tessy,her mum, n bf
-dwnload airgear n snsd w moko (ahahagoblok)

TUE,19 may *ingat:sosdes tu hr RABU.
-brangkat : ohoho1 lewat bermotor
pulang : ohoho2 atoz item
-dengan semangat membara dari hati : SOSDES.
i even watercolored my drawing.nice

mon, 18 may
-nyicil sosdes tindes ma lalat + LOOKLET,dmn lalat nginep n esok pagi2 dibangunin dito buat lingbin
-lingbin d tendy

sun, 17 may
-lingbin + gossip.kacrut
-koboy...spontanious urge to catch a movie and..
-ANGELS AND DEMONS. sweetness.
-..and another piece of gossip to tell.dammitWHY????

fri, 15 may
-starbucks 50%off w own tumbler/mug! ahei!
lalu melula n jln dr bip k dago plaza.lalu pulang

am i emotionly dead? may as well be a fuckin potato

oh my god, im even confused in what im SUPPOSED to look for while i was looking! i cant focus at all.
ok, i was looking for the person who drew for the manga C.A.T., i know the drawing so well, but i forgot who drew it, so i figured that i'll go check my already ORGANIZED folders.
and i looked.
and i looked...
and i looked.......
and all the while when browsing for the picture i was all 'what am i looking for?' and had to try to remember what i was looking for in the process of looking. and my head hurt so bad, in fact its still hurting now.
i cant believe the EFFORT i had to give for trying to figure out the reason i even started the mad hunt. babi.
its so fuckin furstrating thing to get all worked up an pissed over something that minor, and i cant even cry about it.

i want it so bad, believe me, but no matter what i do, how many sad stories get in my head, the best i could do is get all (only) misty-eyed and get my head hurt because of the sudden mood drop. labil tolol.

oh COME ON,can i at LEAST have SOMETHING to get shit off my back that doesnt include snapping to other people????

goddammit

hari macam APA ini?

1. oh holy sweet jesus, i have fuckin bangs.
BANGS i tell you, BAAAAAANGS.
my first since elementary school...been wanting to try for quite some time, but alas, no
guts. hahahahha *muchas gracias tendy *3*~ *
now all i have to do is suck up my guts, and no.2 :

2. me lit n tendy went 2 simpang.
me n lit ate sate kambing Rp.22.000 aja loh.
rasa ayam gosong pula. kacrut

3. tendy berkata "muka gw bulet kalo pake jilbab. okeh,gw ga boleh masuk islam"

4. out of 239 films, i have watched 141 of them.
and according to that blasted addictive site,
'above 94 SUPPOSEDLY means u have no life'
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA what can i say, i'm a movie geek >X9~

5. oh,and according to that site again:
TANK = i have an outgoing personality
yes. Tank from left 4 dead.
THAT Tank.
i totally agree with ata : the one who made this quiz is mental.
hahahaha

reasons why this blog is not for public consumption:

is because i dont have the patients to decor it and make it interesting like my other friends blogs.

plus,its usually rantings that might piss off some people who take it the wrong way n all.

ahahahahha X9