current status

1. these days my knack of compulsive lying has increased.
i can't help it, even when i haven't opened my mouth, or met the person i'm about to face, first thing that comes into my mind is :

'what am i supposed to tell them this time??? ok, how about (insert lie here) ?'

then i waste about a precious 15-20 mins to debate my own mind, trying to not end up lying.
if i do end up lying, i'd spend another wasted time trying to apologise and explain my answer all over again (the real answer this time).
then feel guilty.
then my head hurts.again.

2. though my actual condition is :beyond 'depressed', that i don't even know what the hell does that word MEAN - slash - borderline panic about my KP condition (oh look,i wrote condition twice), every time my friend states that she's "udah pasrah"/"im desperate"/(insert negative condition here), for some reason i always answer something i didnt actually feel, and it's usually somethign positive, when it's actually so negative, i have really really REALLY bad urges to beat something/someone with a blunt object.
thing is, i don't even know WHY i'm doing this.
what, to get attention?
to be able to pity my own self?
to help people be positive?
to make people pity me?
to take my mind off my own 'problems' (which i think are minor, but mr.d told me it ain't.damn him)?

how can i stop this, when i dont even know the root of the reasons i'm doing all this lying bullshit?