yah.kan.

i've realized that i'm not a really confident person, and even if i was, the process will be veeeery very slow, but i've accepted it thoroughly as a part of my 'process' and whatshit. buuuut, these days that single topic tends to bug me.

for instance, just a while ago when i was out after watching the amazingly super Inglourious Basterds (i'll get to that next :D) with my friends, one of them decided to go to a bag store,and finally bought a bag (tas 'cewe' beneran.haha).
actually i've been interested in getting one myself for sometime, but masih blom bernyali buat make (haha), jadi selama ini menunda2 terus.nah, on the other hand, even though we tend to get that same mentality, she tends to usually get over it first, then after a long long long while, I would finally get my own share of mentality boost.
and i've excepted that, heck, sometimes i even joke about it casually.

but turns out there are just some things that i cant get off my mind for quite sometime..stupidly useless and a waste of brain space stuff, which makes it even worst:
- i love wearing bracelets, and for a while i've been interested in all the tumpuk2 style, especially those ethnic bangles that are all woodsy, or ones that have nice-colored stones.
and suddenly one of my friend actually made that part of her style, and because i haven't done it and my stupid gengsi problem, i refuse to have the same style as her even though i really really want to.

- ...the same goes for those damn stockings. have loved it for some time, but never had the guts to wear 'em, n got 'beaten' (well not really) by my friend AND the whole damn fashion world. and because of that, my gengsi-ness has refused to wear them (tho i'm already starting with leggings.hahaha)

- my other friend made this really cool beanbag out of used plastic bags.
thing is, for a long time i've been on this 'i-want-to-make-things-out-of-wastes' streak for a long time and combined with no ideas at all for quite some time, i actually got pissed at it. heck, i even when and told her to my face that i was actually kinda jealous (haha ack xp) that she could think of a way to develop waste. and it just (fuckfuckfuck) occurred to me that ironically, i was interested in this topic way before her AND i actually apply this sort of lifestyle more then she does (and we have both been on this topic before,and agreed on it).i guess that's why i was so pissed.
until now i've been trying to get rid of this damn envious feeling, and THANK GOD it's actually working :)

- my other friend has already got a tattoo.
we both have wanted it for a long time--separately-- and when we found out that we have the same yearning, we decided to get one,entah kapan( tapi untungnya ga janjian sih).
but because of my allergies, and my forgetful-ness, i keep forgetting to get an allergy test. padahal udah bisa punya dari kapan tau :/
* i fully blame myself for my incompetence, so im sorry if it sounded accusing, and if it does, that means i didn't express myself clearly :p

SEE????? all pointless simple trivial things! i cant believe THOSE kinds of shits are the ones that bothers me.
seriously, it's really embarrasing and i am embarrassed for myself.


i really really really hate my guts.