the mind

is a scary little bastard.

one wrong thought and most of the important things can go down the shit hole just like that.
especially when it's a corrupted mind fed with un-based assumptions created your little unconscious idealistic fantasies and you juuuust can't keep them to yourself much longer, and bam: little egoistical self-centered bitch feels the need to lash out at innocent bystanders and leaves the confused 'container' feeling embarrased and stupid because the 'container' is the motherload of all common sense and righteousness, and at that same moment all that is thinking 'oh shit man, now you've blew it'.


and in comes the flood of doubt, fear, and annoyance to others after.

doubt if they actually forgive you for being stupid, or is it just to maintain the good atmosphere you've all created.
fear if people are going to be disgusted, hate, or worse, nothing you because of the actions displayed and end up being friendless. when in reality you know well in your gut that they've already forgotten about that little shenanigan and are neutral, but oh no, that mind of yours decides to be a little drama queen and think that they all hate you.

and by doing that ladies and gentlemen, you've done nothing more that really pissing people off, thus, leading to them wanting to have nothing to do with you.


and then you're left with absolutely nothing but your mind, reenacting the scene that just happened, over and over again, trying to find out what you did wrong that resulted in all that, never finding out why because you just refuse to accept that such a stupid thing like that can become disastrous...only ending up getting a headache and wishing you were literally dead but can't because you don't have the heart to leave your parents to grieve and knows that even when you do end up dead, you'll still feel stupid for doing something so cliche and cowardly.

or ending up getting a headache and then pathetically wait for something, anything in any form, to just pop up (which usually does believe it or not) and make you feel better.
sometimes a bit, some times a lot.

when it doesn't come, you end up falling asleep wondering how your eyes got wet and end up waking up feeling blank and crappy and the torture of going through another soulless routine day.

when it does come, you end up going to sleep smiling...only to end up waking up feeling blank and crappy and the torture of going through another soulless routine day.

genius. pure genius.
what a way to waste your only one true gift that has been told to you countless of times by other people who only wish to help you.