things that i know of at the moment

• i've mostly accepted that my life purpose amongst my friends is to be the one who addresses the damn fat-assed elephant in the room. and to accept that they might not accept it most of the time, but unconsciously do the same thing to me (unprovoked by myself beforehand) and expect me to accept their preachings. can anyone say hypocrite? assholes.
• i understand taking one for the team, but taking one for the team then being bashed in the head by them too? i refuse to be their scapegoat.
  

• if this keeps up, i'm doomed to be an observer only for life.
• now i know firsthand why it's called 'seven deadly sins'. and it's utterly mortifying.
• that my method of writing may never be like those kinds that are singkat padat jelas. and i've (finally) accepted that i need the need to elaborate. so there.
• talking to a brick wall is, as we all know by now, pointless. drilling and smashing through that damn wall also doesn't seem to work apparently *sigh*.
• i hate taking advantage of anything. anything. even as a last resort where even the whole goddamn world knows it's essential to be done. i hate that guilty feeling afterwords. but after being treated as such? i shall wait patiently until a moment presents itself for me, and like an immature child, i shall 'shoot first, ask later' and cause you insufferable damage. and i won't feel guilty afterwords.
• what's wrong in being a 'nice' person? why are you making me feel as if i have to feel guilty for being nice? yes, i'm still adjusting in accepting that part of me (and you know it) so i'm still insecure and your actions got to me a bit , so why do it? would you rather have me as a poser and 'look up to you' as my 'bad' mentor? don't you dare justify your being insecure by putting other people down when your the one prancing around being a pathetic poser. it's just sad.
• i like slipping in 'hard' words in between my writings now and then. yeah sometimes it works, sometimes it's trying too hard, but this is just my way of catching up with my vocabulary. i do kinda feel like i sometimes have to live up to my 'byul' standards. ahahahaha
• a friend kinda surprised me by judging that 'i wasn't trying too hard' on regards of me explaining my school situation in two sentences (i haven't met this guy for years). my first reaction was to bash his head onto the table repeatedly. my second was a uncalled for self-reflection. did i just give up too fast? maybe? and the answer still came as 'no, no you didn't. because you know best when you actually do.'. so my third reaction was to actually appreciate his honesty.